Extreme Vetting

I always assumed that money and power can buy everything….Okay , if not everything , at least a great pair of shoes! Since a teenager,I used to imagine the day I would step into a Chanel store and shop like Blair Waldorf. Sadly at 26,I’m still watching Gossip Girl and hoping for that day to come. The closest I could get to the Upper east side is by watching Gossip Girl on Netflix. Besides all this ranting,to my great dismay, there are several people who, despite wielding an awfully insane amount of money and power, turn out to be complete schmucks when it comes to the f-word.( F being fashion). All they have to do is hire a good stylist and pay them well. Is that a lot of work? On that note, I decided that I’m gonna vet people who possess “great power and poor style”. These are the people who have perpetrated first degree sartorial crimes and no amount of good behavior can justify a parole to these “walking fashion halls of shame!!”

Angela Merkel:

The German chancellor has been on a self imposed sartorial exile, probably since the beginning of time. I once read somewhere that Merkel buys her own clothes. Sorry yo, your attempts at fashion are as catastrophic as your Greek bailout policy. She can always be spotted wearing trousers that are extra long and suits that are extra tight which further accentuate her nowhere-close-to-perfect  body. No matter how hard I try to exempt from body-shaming,  at one point I’m still human who can afford to err. I wish Merkel gets some divine intervention to dissolve her off her fashion crimes.

P.S: The low cut plunging disaster she wore to the Oslo Convention deserves a special mention here. Slow claps….

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However, I decided to give Angela a quick makeover.

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I feel shift dresses are a boon to older women with ‘realistic’ bodies. (Because not everybody is Sophia Vergara in this big fair world). A shift dress with the right fit and length can do wonders to elevate your look. Combine it with a pair of comfortable heels and a good tote and you are good to go! Is this too hard?

Click to shop: Shift dress / Nude pumps / Tote

Kim Jong-un:

He has the looks that will make you L a little extra OL but policies that Kill.He looks like the egg that never hatched. To me , he looks very palatable though. Now talking about fashion choices, our second exhibit can always be spotted wearing something  that looks like the result of a one night stand between an ugly suit and an uglier tunic.Can’t get meaner than that, can’t help either.  I mean, just take a look…

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What’s with the ugly length though? Oops I forgot about it’s tunic ancestry…

The Deflated Basketball:

Probably,  the most eligible contenders of all times for the top spot ….Before building a wall across the Mexican border, he should probably build a smaller one across his mouth to stop talking s***t. (Why did I even say this??). I’m not here to judge his presidential abilities (Did I just say ‘Abilities’?…Okay let us not get there) but considering the awful amount of money in his possession ,don’t you think he owes this world (to say the least) some good fashion? But anyway, I would give him a fair play award for consistent bad performance across all departments, from bilateral ties to extra long red ties.However this red tie is more functional than you and I could ever think. Here we go…

Benefits of wearing an extra long tie:

a) To gag that giant O shaped orifice in his face. Also called mouth.

b)To grab pussycats considering he is a germaphobe

c)To RED FLAG himself early November

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If you suggest any other benefits of the iconic red tie (Secured with scotch tape), then please write in the comments section below.

Until then,

XOXO

(Sorry, I’m watching Gossip Girl)

 

 

 

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