Oral Diarrhea

“Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned”

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Said someone with a wise mouth. I have seen insanely insane amount of girls trying to cope up with bad breakups, cheating boyfriends, men who can’t man up and so on…. I have seen them running out of words to express their wrath. I have had friends who call me up and ask me to rape their exes with words to make them feel better. I have caused so much of carnage in the ‘EX’osphere that I thought I would extend a helping hand to people who seek my skills. This post is for all you girls out their on the look out for asshole stakes to rip your boyfriends off. Basically , I cant afford anymore of 3 am calls with rape requests…(Below are a few common instances of “after breakup” conversations)

Without much ado, here we go…

THE D’OFFEE

Me: Dude, cant you man up? Do you even have a D?

So called ‘man’: What do you think your friend was sucking on for the past four years??

Me: Toffees, I guess

‘MISS’PLACED

Ex: Baby I miss you

Me: I’m happy that I missed you…

Ex: That’s so mean

Me: That’s so me..

C(M)UDDLE:

Ex: I miss cuddling you…Is there anyway we could fix this?

Me: There is a hole in the wall right across the street. You can fix it there…

STRAIGHT UP:

Ex: Baby I’m sorry I messed it all up…Is there anyway we could straighten this up?

Me: Are you able to get it straight up in the first place??…Because you couldn’t the last time I saw

CHEATIN’ AIN’T HAPPENIN’

Ex: I didn’t really mean to cheat on you…It just happened

Me: Are you sure gonorrhea ain’t communicable? Cos I don’t wanna get it through phone by talking to you

Hmm…so I guess I have pretty much covered a few of the stereotypical conversations that would happen after a breakup. Now you now what to say. Damn the nice girls…It feels great to be  a bitch…Trust me, it is…it is…

If you need anymore advice slash axe your ex dialogs, do like my post and follow me. TA-TA!!

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